I'm going make a confession. I like to be in control. I like to know what's going on, who is doing what, when things are happening (or when they will happen by), and feel like I have some power or sway in making sure everything turns out right. That's the way it should be, right? Well, that's sure not the case in Costa Rica. I sort of learned this lesson when I studied abroad here in 2007. I can't control things, and therefore it does me absolutely no good to stress about them. That's fine when it comes to a trip to Nicaragua, but when it comes to the legal process of my residency in Costa Rica, it's a little bit harder to let go.
Today, 18 months after I started this process and 11 weeks after my driver's license expired (which I can't renew without a valid residency card) I went back to Migration to find that there is STILL NO RESOLUTION for my stinking residency! Migration has NO EXCUSE to take so stinking long with their lousy, inefficient system. 18 months, Migration! That's a year and a half! My first residency card was only good for 2 years!
Anyway, there is good news. I now have contact with someone from the inside! An acquaintance of a friend... I'll take it! She was able to look me up in the system and see that my case is still not resolved. But, she has enough power that she sent the minions out to search for my file (I'm imagining some 90s computer game with large pixels and the little player searching through rooms and rooms for my treasure-like file). She is supposed to call me tomorrow. I hate waiting. So, I'm bummed that my case isn't resolved, but to have someone on the inside that is helping me is a very good thing, and for that I am truly grateful.
But, what guarantee do I have that she'll actually call me? Only her word. What will she say? Will she have good news? I have no idea. I HATE not having control!
I've been thinking of rewriting a hymn I truly love:
Tis so hard to trust in Jesus,
just to take him (and the lady from Migration) at his word,
Just to rest upon his promise,
when I know, I've no control,
Jesus, Jesus, tough to trust him
though he's proven o'er and o'er
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus,
Oh for grace to trust you more!
Anybody else ever feel this way? (As my dear pastor Ethan says, you can raise your hand in your heart if you do). Just bein' honest, people.
And the irony is: I've had to learn this trusting thing before. If he can take care of our trip to Nicaragua when everything goes wrong. If he can provide for me financially as a missionary for 4+ years. If he can keep me safe and protect me from any serious health concerns. If he can move mountains, change children's hearts, give sight to the blind, cast out demons, make the lame to walk, rise from the dead...then of course he can take care of a little bit of legal paperwork in a retarded broken system!
The other ironic piece is that, as scary as it is to let go, trusting God really does bring freedom. Freedom and peace that are way better than stressing. Stressing never did anybody any good anyway.
Stress. Want to know the rest of it? Well, there's a Bible club on Thursday and I haven't really planned it and I don't think the houses that are supposed to present are going to be ready. I forgot to order the ice creams, and I haven't told anyone we're thinking about having it in a different place and I need to talk to doña Magaly about changing the time we start. I still have a ton of stuff to prepare for this weekend as I'm in charge of Christian Education for the child care program we're offering for the kids of moms who are going to the camp for moms this weekend (Fri afternoon through Sun late afternoon). I have materials to prepare, stuff to gather and pack, lessons to review, etc. And next week we are supposed to give to the moms the material for the month of June. That's not close to ready either. I still have to put all the doctrines in plastic sleeves, and stick labels on the back of every visual (8*12), I think I need more copies of the right or responsibility and I need to reorganize the materials for the Bible lesson. Plus I need to make the cover sheet for the envelopes I put all the materials in. Oh, and I need to make the banner. crap. Then there's my studies. This week's lectures still haven't been posted and I want to have as much time as possible to do my assignment, especially since this weekend is shot and today I didn't get much done since I was at Migration this morning. Deep breath. God is bigger and higher than all of this. It's all going to be ok, and even if EVERYTHING goes wrong and I have to start my residency process from scratch (I can't imagine that happening and don't even know if it's possible, but if so, Lord, please have mercy!), I am still the accepted, beloved child of the King of all. He will continue to be faithful and care for and provide for me. His love for me will never change, and that's what I care about most.
Ok, I'm starting to feel less anxious already. I feel like I should list you a host of good things I'm grateful for now (probably starting with the awesome chocolate chip cookies I made the other night. It's really tempting to devour the ones I didn't give away Cookie Monster style!). But, being thankful for God's love and the ability to truly trust him is enough. And I need to go exercise. Billy Blanks is like a therapist to me.
Thanks for reading and taking a glance into this wild life. I beg you for your prayers, for everything I've mentioned, but especially for my residency renewal and for the activities of this weekend, including the 2 devotionals and 3 Bible lessons I'll be leading.
May Jesus remind us every day of how sweet it is to trust him each day!
Carrie
PS Instead of posting a picture of me looking wild and pulling my hair out, I've decided to share this blue crowned motmot with you instead. It has an awesome name. And one posed just like this outside my window the other day. And google enabled me to identify it. God is good. He's even better than google.
2 comments:
Est-ce que le motmot seulement parle deux mots?
Jaja! Tres bien Davi!
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