Tico Tuesday, November 26th

You know how people often go on and on about how wonderful someone was when that person is in a casket in front of them and unable to hear the life-giving words being spoken of him or her? Or how people regret not being able to tell that person how much he or she meant to them? Or ask their forgiveness for an offense long ago that damaged their relationship? Why is it so hard to tell people how we really feel about them? How much they mean to us? How grateful we are that God has allowed our lives to become intertwined in theirs? A few kind words can make somebody's day, and deepen—or sometimes even renew—a relationship.

Jorgito (kneeling) sharing with Tía (in the green)

I remember when the grandma of the family I lived with my first three years here passed away. One of her daughters had come down from the States to take care of her for a year. While she was here, she bonded with me and many of the other young adult friends of the family. Before she left to go back to the States, we threw her a party. I don't know how it started, but every person ended up taking the opportunity to tell Tía (Auntie) how much she meant to us. She made sure to return the favor too, and speak words of love, challenge, and encouragement right back to us. It was one of the most beautiful, sacred-in-a-way moments I've ever experienced. Many tears were shed, and I'm pretty sure heaven was rejoicing in what we were doing.

There's a video floating around facebook that talks about the benefits of thanking people for impacting our lives. I dare you—us—to be bold this Thanksgiving and Christmas season and tell people how much they mean to us, how much we love them, how grateful we are for them. What have we got to lose? Maybe some heartfelt words of love and gratitude are the perfect gift to give this year (without going to Hallmark). Maybe they are just what those around us need to hear. And I mean hear. I think it's easier to write stuff like that than say it. But it is so much more powerful to hear than read. Well, maybe writing and then reading it aloud is the best way to go, so the words will be recorded and can be reread. Go. See somebody face to face, Skype, or at least call, and tell someone—or many someones—how much they mean to you and that you love them. It is pleasing to God and will be a great blessing to you, the person you're speaking to, and whoever else might be within hearing distance. Besides, you never know when you might be saying your last goodbye.

~Carrie

Reflecting on Abusive Relationships and The Phantom of the Opera

I'm thinking about the “Phantom of the Opera.” I have loved it's music since my mom got an Andrew Lloyd Webber book and I sang along as she played on the piano. My family took me to see it on Broadway when I was in high school (or maybe only junior high?). It was impressive, but I confess, I was unable to follow the storyline very well.

The movie came out in 2004, and I really wanted to see it. I finally was able to do so this past Saturday night. I don't know why it took me 9 years to get around to it, but I'm very glad I did, and the timing was great. It was wonderful to watch it with my cousin as we snuggled in bed after my marathon that morning and her Bible quizzing meet that day.

My aunt popped in a couple times, and as we commented about the movie, I started thinking about the Phantom. My aunt sees him as a bad guy. He is a cold-blooded murderer, true. But, he also boils with passion for Christine.

(I write this as a young woman who is trying to come more to terms with and continue heal from a verbally abusive relationship.)

Yes, the Phantom is a terrible murderer, but in the movie, we learn that he has been completely scorned, ridiculed, and rejected by society. I work with kids who have suffered these things, and I have an idea of just how deeply scarring they are. My heart broke for the Phantom and I felt great pity and compassion for him. That doesn't justify his murdering, but it helps me see that he truly was a person and not a heartless beast, or ghost, as the rest of the cast considered him. Christine's best friend's mother helps the Phantom escape from a dark circus/traveling show and he ends up living below the theater in Paris (the same one the National Theater here in Costa Rica is modeled after, I might add).

Christine, who was brought to live at the theater by her best friend's mother after her father died, is convinced that the Phantom is the “Angel of Music” her father promised her on his deathbed. The Phantom, who is a musical genius, trains her to have a beautiful voice and falls in love with her. Things get complicated when Raoul, Christine's childhood love comes back on the scene. Raoul immediately falls for Christine. She is excited, but torn, especially as the Phantom begins to express more openly that he loves her. In the song, “Angel of Music,” (which is more like a theme throughout the show), the Phantom gets angry at Christine for having feelings for Raoul. It is here where I say it is clear that the Phantom is abusing Christine.

Let's see the lyrics:

(Voice of Phantom)

Insolent boy, this slave of fashion,
Basking in your glory!
Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor,
Sharing in my triumph!

(Christine)

Angel, I hear you.
Speak, I listen.
Stay by my side,
Guide me.

Angel, my soul was weak,
Forgive me.
Enter at last, Master.

Ok, anytime anybody calls someone “Master” like that, I'd suspect they are not in a healthy relationship. The Phantom is totally exercising power over Christine and manipulating her. She goes from being innocent and happy to scared and ashamed. Is the Phantom acting and speaking out of pure jealousy? I don't know. But the his words sure have a powerful effect on Christine. This may also be due to the fact that she thinks the Phantom, this “Angel of Music,” is the spirit of her father. This leads me to believe Christine's love for the Phantom is (should be?) more like love for a father than a potential husband. But, the movie makes it out to be a love triangle, so what do I know? I just know Christine and the Phantom were never meant to be.

Does the Phantom truly love Christine? I think that's a good question. I believe he genuinely, deeply cares for her and has done some wonderful things for her (yet another scary thing about abusive men!). I think also he tries to live vicariously through her. But, his care and concern for the other loner of the opera house grow into an unhealthy obsession. He does not know how to truly love, and reacts dreadfully when he feels threatened.

I don't think Christine realizes at all that she is in an abusive relationship with the Phantom, and I think that is often what happens to women who are in abusive relationships. In the past, I heard so many stories of women that found it difficult to impossible to leave their abusers. Why would anyone in their right mind stay with someone who is treating them as less than a precious treasure created in God's own image? Well, the easiest, but mean-sounding, way to put it is to say that some of these women may indeed not be in their right minds. But that's the thing about abusive relationships. I think many women don't even realize they are in an abusive relationship. There is serious manipulation going on. Someone is exercising power over them. It took me months to be able to look back on the relationship I was in and call the spade a spade.

And that's the other thing. It has to be a clean break, a real escape. It is all too easy to track people down these days. And when the abuser is upset, ugly things happen. How many people did the Phantom kill throughout the movie? If someone is going to try to get out of an abuser's way, they have to go far, far, away and make sure they will always be safe, walking around with their hand at eye level at all times. (That's another movie reference. If you haven't seen it, please do now!) Ok, situations aren't always that extreme, but I sure suffered months of extra abuse, (which I believe was more damaging than the abuse I suffered when dating this guy), because I was unable to break cleanly enough away from him such that he wasn't a part of my life anymore. So, now I understand a lot better why it is so hard for women to leave their abusers. (And I won't even go in to all the spiritual-religious factors that complicate matters further.)

I write all this to say, I'm processing this “abusive relationship” stuff, wanting to heal more, and thanking God what I went through wasn't any worse. And now I love Christine more and feel like I can identify better with her. The Phantom really is a bad guy, but my heart goes out to him for all he suffered. He just needed to come to the Bible Home and learn how to deal with his problems instead of killing a whole bunch of people and making other peoples' lives miserable. Thanks be to God, He offers love and grace to everyone.

So... where's Raoul? ;-) jajaja

Tico Tuesday, November 19

I am home from the States safe and sound. I thought it was going to be an exhausting trip, but it turned out the only real exhaustion was from the marathon I ran on Saturday. I finished in 3:59:52--almost 10 minutes faster than the one I ran in September thanks to cooler temps, pace runners, and lots of enthusiastic spectators. (That should really be a blog post in and of itself, but I doubt I'll have time for that before Christmas. Maybe I can get some pics on facebook one of these days?)
Other than that, the trip turned out to be quite refreshing. Along with a wonderful time at seminary the first week, I was able to see some friends I've known for a few years, make some really cool new ones, share at a supporting church, and see a number of other supporters and family members (and meet the adorable son of one of my cousins!). I put 769 miles on my rental car in one week.

One of my pretty cousins, her nephew, and me

I guess maybe I did need a little "break" from life here. I'd been burning the candle at both ends and eating a lot of oatmeal (the easiest, fastest hot meal to prepare). It was nice to not feel guilty for not cooking for a couple weeks! And it was really nice to get spoiled a little in other ways too: getting to take a bath for the first time since I can't remember, sharing wonderful conversation with my aunt as we kayaked on the lake, drinking super-yummy apple cider, going shopping and not having to pay an arm and a leg for quality things, sleeping in big fluffy beds, getting to sing show tunes and hymns around a real piano, etc. Have I mentioned yet how much I enjoyed getting to see beautiful fall colors?
Please keep praying for me as I make this final push to finish the semester well. Pray for the kids at the Bible Home too. This is an anxious time of year for pretty much all of them. The kids that know they are going home to stay at the end of the year stress and get all anxious, but so do the ones who will come back in January. House parents and the rest of the staff is often tired and yearning for vacation to come in December. Pray for all of us to finish the year well.  And in all we do, may we all do it as unto the Lord, for his glory, and not for ourselves or anyone else.
Sending you warm greetings and love from Costa Rica,
Carrie

Tico Tuesday, November 12th

Happy Tuesday!

I have said to myself many times I would like to come back to the States for fall because fall is the season I miss the most when I'm in Costa Rica. This was my 5th year of not seeing fall. But as my plane descended into Atlanta, I saw that some trees were different colors! I was in awe. It was as if I was seeing fall for the first time. It was so amazing and beautiful! And the colors were even prettier in Charlotte when I landed there! I went on the most beautiful run of the year the next morning and enjoyed truly crisp fall air. I was very tempted to frolic in the leaves in some stranger's yard. It has been so wonderful to experience fall again! I don't think I ever spent much, if any time in the southeast during fall, so I never realized that the leaves actually do still change colors this far south. I just drool thinking of fall in lovely places I've lived farther north. :-)
It has also been nice to be here in the States and buy some things. I'd heard the cost of living in Costa Rica is quite high, but I didn't realize just how high until I went to Walmart and saw that everything was a half to two thirds of normal prices in Costa Rica! (I don't usually have time on these trips to do much of any kind of shopping). The difference is truly significant though.
So, I am grateful for this time here and for all the blessings and opportunities God has been giving me. I do miss my kids and was very sad to miss Missions Day in AWANA this weekend at the Bible Home. But....I'll have to tell you more about this weekend--and my time at seminary-- later. (Too bad I've been doing such a terrible job documenting this trip photographically!)
May God continue to open our eyes and make us more aware of his gifts and presence with us each day,
Carrie

Tico Tuesday, November 6th

Pretty view on my morning run (at home in CR)!

Annual Night of Prayer in the freshly remodeled Jessie House

The amazing and wonderful Kiki!

Greetings from Charlotte, NC! I have class in a couple hours, travelled all day yesterday and have been going on all cylinders for the last several days. I really appreciate your prayers for focus and productivity in all I have to do and for my times of rest to be really refreshing! I'll be here in the States for just under 2 weeks for class and visiting supporters (and sneaking in another marathon). Please keep me in your prayers. I don't want to feel like a crazy lady; I want to make the most of each day and love and glorify Jesus more and more. I'll just leave you a few pictures and comment briefly on the last one. Kiki just came to Costa Rica with the LAM about a month ago. She is single, fresh out of college, very artistic, and very cool. She came to the prayer night at the Bible Home with me then kept me company as I finished my paper on singleness. Having her there really helped me focus. And my friend Jessica's brilliant idea of putting off our long run until Sunday REALLY helped too. I thought I was going to be up till midnight finishing it, but it was done at 1pm!! I'm so much more productive in the mornings! I learned a lot about singleness and would love to dialogue with any of you on it. I'm attaching it in the e-mail and strongly encourage you to look it over and think about it.
I thank and praise God for his faithfulness, goodness and presence. AND THAT I CAN SEE THE BEAUTIFUL COLORS OF THE LEAVES!!
Thanks for your prayers, encouragement and support!
Love,
Carrie