Reflecting on Abusive Relationships and The Phantom of the Opera

I'm thinking about the “Phantom of the Opera.” I have loved it's music since my mom got an Andrew Lloyd Webber book and I sang along as she played on the piano. My family took me to see it on Broadway when I was in high school (or maybe only junior high?). It was impressive, but I confess, I was unable to follow the storyline very well.

The movie came out in 2004, and I really wanted to see it. I finally was able to do so this past Saturday night. I don't know why it took me 9 years to get around to it, but I'm very glad I did, and the timing was great. It was wonderful to watch it with my cousin as we snuggled in bed after my marathon that morning and her Bible quizzing meet that day.

My aunt popped in a couple times, and as we commented about the movie, I started thinking about the Phantom. My aunt sees him as a bad guy. He is a cold-blooded murderer, true. But, he also boils with passion for Christine.

(I write this as a young woman who is trying to come more to terms with and continue heal from a verbally abusive relationship.)

Yes, the Phantom is a terrible murderer, but in the movie, we learn that he has been completely scorned, ridiculed, and rejected by society. I work with kids who have suffered these things, and I have an idea of just how deeply scarring they are. My heart broke for the Phantom and I felt great pity and compassion for him. That doesn't justify his murdering, but it helps me see that he truly was a person and not a heartless beast, or ghost, as the rest of the cast considered him. Christine's best friend's mother helps the Phantom escape from a dark circus/traveling show and he ends up living below the theater in Paris (the same one the National Theater here in Costa Rica is modeled after, I might add).

Christine, who was brought to live at the theater by her best friend's mother after her father died, is convinced that the Phantom is the “Angel of Music” her father promised her on his deathbed. The Phantom, who is a musical genius, trains her to have a beautiful voice and falls in love with her. Things get complicated when Raoul, Christine's childhood love comes back on the scene. Raoul immediately falls for Christine. She is excited, but torn, especially as the Phantom begins to express more openly that he loves her. In the song, “Angel of Music,” (which is more like a theme throughout the show), the Phantom gets angry at Christine for having feelings for Raoul. It is here where I say it is clear that the Phantom is abusing Christine.

Let's see the lyrics:

(Voice of Phantom)

Insolent boy, this slave of fashion,
Basking in your glory!
Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor,
Sharing in my triumph!

(Christine)

Angel, I hear you.
Speak, I listen.
Stay by my side,
Guide me.

Angel, my soul was weak,
Forgive me.
Enter at last, Master.

Ok, anytime anybody calls someone “Master” like that, I'd suspect they are not in a healthy relationship. The Phantom is totally exercising power over Christine and manipulating her. She goes from being innocent and happy to scared and ashamed. Is the Phantom acting and speaking out of pure jealousy? I don't know. But the his words sure have a powerful effect on Christine. This may also be due to the fact that she thinks the Phantom, this “Angel of Music,” is the spirit of her father. This leads me to believe Christine's love for the Phantom is (should be?) more like love for a father than a potential husband. But, the movie makes it out to be a love triangle, so what do I know? I just know Christine and the Phantom were never meant to be.

Does the Phantom truly love Christine? I think that's a good question. I believe he genuinely, deeply cares for her and has done some wonderful things for her (yet another scary thing about abusive men!). I think also he tries to live vicariously through her. But, his care and concern for the other loner of the opera house grow into an unhealthy obsession. He does not know how to truly love, and reacts dreadfully when he feels threatened.

I don't think Christine realizes at all that she is in an abusive relationship with the Phantom, and I think that is often what happens to women who are in abusive relationships. In the past, I heard so many stories of women that found it difficult to impossible to leave their abusers. Why would anyone in their right mind stay with someone who is treating them as less than a precious treasure created in God's own image? Well, the easiest, but mean-sounding, way to put it is to say that some of these women may indeed not be in their right minds. But that's the thing about abusive relationships. I think many women don't even realize they are in an abusive relationship. There is serious manipulation going on. Someone is exercising power over them. It took me months to be able to look back on the relationship I was in and call the spade a spade.

And that's the other thing. It has to be a clean break, a real escape. It is all too easy to track people down these days. And when the abuser is upset, ugly things happen. How many people did the Phantom kill throughout the movie? If someone is going to try to get out of an abuser's way, they have to go far, far, away and make sure they will always be safe, walking around with their hand at eye level at all times. (That's another movie reference. If you haven't seen it, please do now!) Ok, situations aren't always that extreme, but I sure suffered months of extra abuse, (which I believe was more damaging than the abuse I suffered when dating this guy), because I was unable to break cleanly enough away from him such that he wasn't a part of my life anymore. So, now I understand a lot better why it is so hard for women to leave their abusers. (And I won't even go in to all the spiritual-religious factors that complicate matters further.)

I write all this to say, I'm processing this “abusive relationship” stuff, wanting to heal more, and thanking God what I went through wasn't any worse. And now I love Christine more and feel like I can identify better with her. The Phantom really is a bad guy, but my heart goes out to him for all he suffered. He just needed to come to the Bible Home and learn how to deal with his problems instead of killing a whole bunch of people and making other peoples' lives miserable. Thanks be to God, He offers love and grace to everyone.

So... where's Raoul? ;-) jajaja