I once heard someone describe how friendships were built in terms of time. There's quantity time and there's quality time. Quantity time is all those times you see someone in the grocery store, or always sitting by someone in church or class or the groups of people you eat with regularly. It is not necessarily a lot of time all at once, and the conversation isn't particularly deep. Sometimes there isn't much room or time for conversation, but it is time shared together, often with high frequency, and this builds the relationship. The more time we spend with people, the more we get to know them and the more comfortable we feel around them. So, eventually the times comes when we can open up and share more of ourselves with one another. We have gained one another's trust and can say "not so good" when someone asks us how we are and share why. We can talk about our struggles and the things that really bother us. This is quality time. Once there is a good base of quantity, it is much easier to have quality. Instead of having to make small talk there can be soul talk, and without much preface.
The trueness of this is hitting me again. I'm in Massachusetts this weekend to pick up the car a couple of my college friends are giving me. I've seen them about 5 times since they graduated in 2006. But, we spent a lot of time together when we were all at school. We went to church together, ate together, went to InterVarsity together, hung out together on the weekends, ran into each other in the halls and just built up a lot of quantity time with one another. Now, we are reaping the quality time from the quantity that we sowed. Even though I don't see Brian & Jackie very often, we can immediately dive in to good, deep conversation. The same goes for Brenda, Mollie, Rach and a few other people that graduated before me. I know I can never go back to college life and I will never have the same quantity time I had with my friends before. But it's ok. We are able to make the best of the time we have with each other.
What a blessing that is!! I feel this is true for me especially since my life has been so transient. I only spent one of the last 4 summers living with my parents. I spent the last 2 summers in Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming, but there was a different set of employees working there. So, each summer I met new people and tried to make new friends and build strong relationships. However, a summer is only so long. By the time I built up enough quantity time with people and felt like I was really starting to know them, the summer ended and I had to go back to school. I think that's a big reason why I am living in Grove City right now. It has been the place where I have spent the most time and built the strongest relationships. So, of course I want to be there! (I think my parents moving twice over the course of my college career is a factor as well.) But, I'm happy where I am. God is really helping me to be content. My prayers (and the prayers of others) for patience in waiting to go to Costa Rica are being answered. Thanks be to God!
I just want to make one more note about the quantity-quality thing. I don't think a relationship HAS to have a lot of quantity time before the quality time can start. There are several occasions on which I have just felt a bond to someone. We didn't have to really spend any time together at all before we had a quality relationship. And, just because I spend a lot of time with someone doesn't guarantee we will become close friends. But, it does increase the chances.
I'm so grateful God has blessed me with so many friendships!
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